


The Thirstiest Old Ladies in New York City

by rebelmeg



Series: Rebelmeg's Tony Stark Bingo Fills 2019 [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky is confused and pleased, Clint has good arms, Coffee dates and thirst, Crack, Gen, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Ogling, Sam is loving this, Steve Blushes A Lot, Thor likes crop tops, Tony Stark-centric, Tony's Tuesday Ladies, deep appreciation for the human body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 05:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18845041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: It's no secret that the Avengers and Co. have some of the most admirable and attractive physical forms around.  It wouldn't be right for all that hotness to just go parading around without a bunch of thirsty old ladies there to appreciate it, now would it?  Definitely not.Square filled: K1 - image of Tony from IM3 (I know this is a stretch, but Tony's in the pic, Tony's in the fic, I'm counting it.)





	The Thirstiest Old Ladies in New York City

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Faustess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faustess/gifts), [ceealaina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceealaina/gifts), [martianwahtney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/martianwahtney/gifts), [27dragons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/gifts).



> I blame this entirely on members of the TSB server, who shamelessly encouraged this. You know who you are. And I love you.
> 
> The delightful summerpipedream was my beta, which is a good thing because I needed it!

“Move over.”

“You move over, you’re squashing me.”

“That’s because you’ve got your knitting bag on the bench, Bernice, there’s not enough room.”

With a disgruntled noise, an old woman with tightly curled, iron gray hair picked up her huge reusable cloth grocery bag. The bag, practically bursting at the seams with skeins of yarn and knitting needles, was moved off the long park bench, shaded by the only tree on the downtown New York street. “There, are you happy now Ida?”

Next to her, an equally old woman, skinny as a rail with wispy white hair like cotton candy sniffed and looked the other way. “Yes.”

Another old woman on the other side of her, wearing coke-bottle glasses and raggedy slippers, squinted and looked around. “Where are Josephine and Marjorie? It’s nearly time.” Her voice was warbly with age.

The white-haired woman, Ida, shifted around, getting more comfortable on the bench and adjusting the quilt-block purse on her lap. “It’s Marjorie’s turn to get the fries. And there’s Josephine now.”

“Did I miss it?! Did I miss it?!” Another old woman shouted as she approached. She was gray-haired, wearing a house coat, and shuffling along as fast as she could manage with her sturdy wooden cane. She huffed and puffed as she all but collapsed on the seat next to the woman with the coke-bottle glasses.

“No, no, you’re just in time. Josephine, did you walk all the way?”

Josephine tucked her cane between her knees and slumped back against the bench, talking quite loudly to compensate for her partial deafness. “No, I had the cabbie drop me at the corner. It’s fifty cents cheaper that way. Vi, you’re wearing your slippers again.

Vi peered through her thick glasses, down at her feet. “Am I?”

Another voice interrupted them, and yet another old woman with sparse, shockingly bright red hair and a neon green fanny pack around her generous waist joined the other four ladies on the bench. “You would not _believe_ the line at that damned diner, and the impertinent twit at the register was a right little shit.”

“Marjorie, watch your language!” Ida hissed, looking like she’d be clutching her pearls if she had any.

“Oh, shut up and take your fries.”

Ida looked like she wanted to argue, but instead she snatched the carton of fries thrust at her, and started eating them like was the last food she’d see for the rest of her life.

Once the fries were handed out, and Bernice had fished a half-finished knitting project out of her enormous bag, the five women chatted aimlessly. All of their eyes were all but glued to the sprawling, extremely upscale gym located right across the street, in the shadow of the Avengers Tower.

It was Tuesday. And Tuesday was their favorite day of the week.

A moment later, a voice rose over the regular rumble of the city traffic. “My favorite ladies!”

“Tony!”

Ida, Bernice, Josephine, Marjorie, and Vi all looked up, beaming at the billionaire that had just arrived, Starbucks in his hands and expensive sunglasses over his eyes.

“How are we this fine Tuesday morning?” He went along the line of old women, passing out a cup to each one, letting Vi pinch his cheek. “Marjorie, how’s the cough?”

She waved away his concern and patted his shoulder. “Oh, it’s just fine, but the medicine that idiot doctor prescribed gave me the strangest dreams. It reminded me of the 70’s, and I thought for sure I’d forgotten most of the 70’s. Drugs, you know.” 

Tony nodded sagely as he sat between the bespectacled Vi and the half-deaf Josephine, crossing his legs and accepting a carton of slightly cold fries from Marjorie. He glanced across the street at the gym that had them all so enraptured. “Anyone shown up yet?”

Ida huffed out a disgruntled, “Not yet,” and eyeballed Bernice’s half-full carton of fries, sitting next to her knitting.

“Good, I didn’t miss anything.”

“I have a new picture of the twins,” Bernice piped up, dropping her knitting in her lap. She fumbled in the huge knitting bag, digging through skeins of yarn until she located a cell phone. “I can’t find it on this contraption, but I know I have one.”

Smiling, Tony held out his hand for the device and punched in the PIN number. “It’s probably in your text messages or your photo gallery. Did Sarah send it to you, or Jeff?”

“Jeffy did.”

A moment later, Tony had pulled up the picture of the toddler-age twin boys wearing matching train engineer outfits, and was aww-ing over it. “That’s precious, you should make it your background picture.”

“My what?” 

“Here,” Tony tapped the screen again, and handed the phone back a minute later.

“Oh! I had no idea it could do that.” Bernice looked intently at the screen, now showing off the picture of her great-grandsons. “That’s a good trick.”

“Oh!” Josephine all but yelled, pointing at the gym with her gnarled hand. “It’s starting!”

The laser-sharp focus with which all six pairs of eyes focused on the door of the gym was both startling and impressive.

Right on cue, Steve Rogers, wearing track pants and a damp white tank top, exited the gym. He was glistening with sweat and practically glowing, chugging a bottle of water as he went down the short set of cement steps to the sidewalk.

There was a general sigh of appreciation.  
“You could bounce a quarter off that ass,” Marjorie remarked casually as the supersoldier bent over to pick up a crushed paper cup, a chorus of assenting hums agreeing with her.

“Now I kinda want to.” Tony commented thoughtfully, fishing in his carton for another fry as Steve threw the litter away and headed towards the Avengers Tower.

“I’ll bake you a loaf of banana bread if you do it.” Vi offered immediately in her quavering voice, her eyes still on Steve as he paused in the middle of the sidewalk to look at his phone.

“Done.” Tony held out his hand to shake on it, then cupped both hands around his mouth and hollered, “STEVE! TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”

Startling slightly, Steve looked around until he found Tony across the street, saluting him with a Starbucks cup while the five old ladies tittered around him on the bench they all shared.

Ida cooed as she stealthily stole a few fries out of Bernice’s carton. “Aww, he’s blushing, bless his heart.” 

Red as a tomato, Steve practically bolted into the Avengers Tower, to a mixed reaction of laughter and disappointed sighs.

“Until next Tuesday, my dear Adonis,” Marjorie muttered, sending Tony a look when he snorted a laugh into his coffee cup.

“If you’d just agree to change your water aerobics class, we could do this on Fridays too,” Ida said waspishly, stealing a few more fries.

“I can’t do Fridays,” Vi warbled. “Diane comes on Fridays.”

“We already talked this over, Tuesday is the only day that works,” Tony skillfully broke up the old and well-used argument. “We’ll just have to appreciate it all enough to last us until next week. And speak of appreciating…”

Dabbing his face with the end of the towel draped around his neck, Sam Wilson came out of the gym next, his loose basketball shorts nevertheless managing to cling to his backside, his black tank top darkened by sweat. He jogged down the steps and headed for the Tower, a bounce in his step, utterly oblivious to the gazes eyeballing him from across the street.

Josephine was clearly trying to be quiet, but her voice was definitely louder than she meant it to be when she sighed dreamily and said, “Look at all that chocolate.”

Tony choked on a fry while Marjorie nodded and clucked her tongue appreciatively. “I’d like to slap that ass like a ball of dough.”

Ida spasmed so violently she nearly fell off the bench, the stolen fries in her hand falling to the ground. “MARJORIE!”

Marjorie was whacking Tony on the back while he laughed and coughed and spluttered. “Stop being such a prude, Ida.”

The two began arguing, Marjorie threatening to snatch Bernice’s carton of fries right out of Ida’s hands, but Tony’s sudden and slightly hoarse guffaw stopped it from turning violent.

“What?!” Josephine barked, “What?!”

“He knows! That sassy birdbrain totally knows!” Tony was pointing across the street, to where Sam had stopped at the door of the Tower and was looking over his shoulder, right at them. Once he had all eyes on him, he smirked… and wiggled his hips to give them a bit of a show.

Catcalling, yelling, and screams of laughter utterly terrified the flock of pigeons that had been edging closer, tempted by the fries scattered the ground.

* * *

“Should I be wondering what you were doing across the street with a bunch of thirsty old ladies this morning, Tony?” Sam posed the question over dinner, which made Tony snicker into his spaghetti while Steve started blushing.

“Why, Samuel Wilson, I just don’t know what you’re talking about.” Tony replied airily, shoveling more pasta in his mouth so he’d have a reason not to say anything when Steve recovered himself.

“Wait, it’s not just me?!” He spluttered, nearly spraying Natasha with chewed up bits of noodle.

Tony grinned around his mouthful. “Why, you jealous?”

Steve went redder. “No!”

“I would be,” Sam interjected, grinning like an imp. “A regular old army guy getting just as much attention as America’s golden boy? I’d be real jealous. Good thing I can work a crowd.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“You sure can, hula hips.”

“When do I get to meet my fan club?” Sam demanded, passing the plate of garlic bread around again.

“Nope, they’re my ladies, you go get your own,” Tony shook his head as he took a slice and passed the plate on. “You go make your own friends, you can’t have mine.”

Bruce, who had been watching the exchange with mild confusion, piped up. “Tony has a bunch of old ladies as friends?”

“Thirsty old ladies, Bruce. Very thirsty old ladies. And they like me better than Cap.” Sam shot Tony a quick wink.

“Hey!” Steve protested, “they do not!”

“I don’t see you shakin’ your booty for them, do I?”

“I don’t have to shake it to get their attention!”

“Just because they’re closer your age than mine is not my fault, you dinosaur.”

Typing out a quick text message on his phone under the table, Tony sent a picture of Steve and Sam arguing to his Tuesday Ladies group.

_They’re arguing about who gets ogled more. What an influence you ladies have on the world._

Natasha kicked his shin under the table.

“Ow! What?”

She sent a pointed glance at the soldier bros, who were practically nose to nose as they debated their own individual physical attributes. “You gonna break that up?”

“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t break that up for a million dollars.”

Natasha smirked and shook her head. “That means a lot less than you think it does, you being a billionaire and all.”

“Well, I wouldn’t do it for a billion dollars either.” Tony’s expression turned thoughtful. “But I might if it got me out of a budget meeting.”

She raised one red eyebrow. “Pepper would kill you, and none of us could stop her.”

“True. Darn, guess I’ll have to think of another way out of it.”

* * *

“Why are there so many fries?” Vi warbled curiously as the grease-stained bag was passed down the line of them the following Tuesday.

“Because we never have enough.” Ida replied promptly, watching like a hawk to make sure nobody took more than one paper bag of fries.

“Why can’t we ever have something else?” Josephine asked loudly. “Cookies or something.”

“Because Bernice has diabetes, you daft bird, sweets might damn well kill her,” Marjorie reminded her, wearing short sleeves today that showed off the tattoos on her arms.

“But fries and Starbucks won’t?”

“Guess who’s in town!” Tony was grinning as he came towards them, handing out their Starbucks orders. “Thor!”

Vi looked up at him through her thick glasses, enraptured. “Really?”

“Yes really, and he’s gonna be heading to the gym, on my clever suggestion, any minute now. Clint too, I think.” He grinned at the way Bernice’s head bobbed up, excitement on her face. She had a _thing_ for the archer’s arms, which was entirely understandable.

This week, Tony sat on the end next to Ida, covering up his grin when he saw the four extra orders of fries in the bag she held out. “Should I be worried about your cholesterol, honey?”

She pursed her lips at him, clearly trying to be stern, but a grin was tugging at the corners of her thin, wrinkled mouth.

Just as Tony had predicted, Thor Odinson and Clint Barton exited the Tower a moment later, which Marjorie was quick to point out. “Vi, quick, your opera glasses!”

Vi was already on it, having taken a pair of old-fashioned opera glasses out of her Bernice-knitted bag, and she held them up to her coke-bottle glasses, training them on Thor. He was wearing bike shorts that were sinfully tight, and… some kind of crop top that left most of his midriff bare, as well as bare feet. Vi’s voice wavered a bit more than usual when she said, “Oh dear, I might be having heart palpitations.”

“Your heart is supposed to palpitate, you damned moron.”

“Marjorie!”

“Now now, no medical emergencies during my Tuesday hen session, that’s not allowed.” Tony’s voice was firm, which he considered a very great accomplishment, considering he was trying not to laugh at Thor’s choice of workout gear. “Bernice, you getting a good look at all that action?”

Bernice didn’t reply, as she was too busy ogling the arms that Clint had on full display in the loose, violently purple Y-back tank top he was wearing.

Josephine had it covered. “One has to wonder just how far that good aim of his extends. He must be very good with his hands.”

Marjorie cackled like she was straight out of the Wizard of Oz while Tony buried his face in his hands and laughed so hard he started wheezing.

* * *

“Ida, stop hogging the fries!”

“I’m trying to pick the best one!”

“They’re all the same!”

“No they’re not!”

Josephine settled the argument by waving her cane threateningly over Ida and Bernice’s heads and shouting, “I am here for a good time, not to be a referee!”

Mutinous muttering followed that, but Josephine was half deaf, so it didn’t matter.

Last to arrive, as per usual, Tony had a distinct “cat in the cream” look on his face as he settled between Bernice and Josephine. He glanced around, then muttered in a low, conspiratorial voice, “Did you hear?”

Five sets of eyes sharpened on him so intently it was like being x-rayed.

“I read in US Weekly that Steve might be Eleanor Roosevelt’s secret love child with Albert Einstein.”

A collective gasp of glee and horror met this news, and the next five minutes were completely occupied with discussing this absolutely delicious bit of gossip. 

“I can’t believe it!” Vi warbled, clutching her chest. “I met Eleanor Roosevelt once!”

Marjorie just blinked. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh, saints preserve us, we have been blessed this day.”

Bernice wasn’t usually given to prayerful outbursts, and the rest of them followed her gaze, gossip forgotten.

Sam, Steve, Bucky Barnes, Clint, Thor, and even Bruce Banner had come trooping out of the gym together, all wearing and carrying various workout gear, and shining with sweat and the glow of a good workout.

There was no commentary from the bench, they were too glued on the incredible, masculine spectacle that was parading down the street a mere hundred feet away.

Well, except for Tony. He wolf-whistled so loud that all the old women jumped, then tittered and blushed as the men across the street turned and reacted.

Thor preened and tossed his head, looking every inch a god of thunder. Clint flexed both arms, his biceps bunching up tight. Steve turned bright red and looked ready to crawl under the sidewalk. Bruce went pink but waved shyly. Sam turned right around and stuck his ass out. And Bucky looked torn between vanishing into thin air or striking a pose, and just stood there stunned for a minute instead.

Tony blew them all a kiss. “What an excellent view! Thanks boys, you’re doing these nonagenarians and the world at large a great service!”

Ida smacked Tony reprovingly on the arm, but she was giggling and whooping right along with the rest of them.

* * *

“Sorry I’m late!” Tony rushed up the next week, waving a paper bag in the hand not carrying the coffee. “I stopped for cookies!”

Josephine all but snatched the bag out of his hand the second he got close enough, looking elated. “You are my favorite person. Is there chocolate chip?”

“For you, of course. And for Bernice,” he fished a smaller paper bag from inside his jacket and dangled it in front of her, “a more diabetic-friendly version.”

Clutching the cookie to her chest with one hand, Bernice pinched Tony’s cheek affectionately with the other and tugged him down to sit next to her. “If you were just a bit older, I’d marry you.”

“Not only am I deeply flattered, but I’d say yes if I weren’t so very taken, darling. Marjorie, I love the new color. I shared the picture on Instagram.”

Marjorie beamed at him and fluffed her sparse, purple-ish red hair. “My stylist said it complements my complexion.”

“They’re right, it does.”

Vi leaned over, her expression quizzical behind her thick glasses. “What is an insta gram? I’m a grandmother, do I need one?”

Tony grinned and launched into an abbreviated explanation while the rest of the ladies kept an eye on the gym, and a moment later Josephine was knocking her cane into Ida’s knees and all but shouting.

“There he is! There he is!”

Tony spotted the cause of such ruckus and chuckled, “Ope, here he comes, Ida get out your fan.”

The old woman was doing just that, already digging in her enormous quilt-blocked purse for her black lace hand fan.

Bucky Barnes had come out of the gym, head down with a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. But there was no mistaking that arm, or those thighs.

“If I weren’t such a good Christian woman, the thoughts I would have about that arm…” Ida was flapping her fan as fast as humanly possible, looking all kinds of hot and bothered.

Vi, who was testing out the camera on her phone for her newly downloaded Instagram app, took a picture of her. “You’re fooling nobody, dear.”

* * *

Bucky leaned against the floor-to-ceiling windows in the communal kitchen/living room in the Tower, idly twirling a knife through his fingers as he stared down at the street below. He knew Steve was watching him, curious, probably biting his tongue as he made himself a sandwich. Bucky waited it out for another couple minutes, then finally put the guy out of his misery.

“I’m pretty sure I got ogled by a bunch of women today.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky saw Steve’s head pop up, a big smile on his face. “Oh yeah?”

“Yep. One of them even had a fan out when I walked into the building. I still got that Brooklyn charm.”

Steve was beaming, looking extremely pleased, then his eyes narrowed as something obviously occurred to him. “Buck… where were they? And how old?”

Bucky hid a smile as he slid past Steve and poured himself some juice from the fridge. “The bench right across the street from the gym.”

The sound of choked spluttering was exactly what he’d been hoping for. “The old ladies?! Bucky, they’re a hundred years old!”

“Yeah, so am I, pal.”

“But not… biologically. Where are you going?”

“Gonna go introduce myself.” Bucky chanced a glance over his shoulder, and was so very glad he did when Steve’s face went white.

“Bucky, no!”

Unfortunately, Bucky only made it as far as the elevator before he started laughing, and then Steve was catching up to him and shoving him into the elevator with all his considerable strength.

“Oh, you absolute _dick_!”

“Don’t worry, Steve, I’ll wrap it before I tap it. STD’s run rampant among the elderly.”

“JUST SHUT UP.”

* * *

There was something definitely suspicious about the much-too-smug look on Tony’s face when he approached the women next Tuesday, but he refused to say anything about it as he handed out the coffee cups. It was obvious he was all but bursting to tell them whatever it was he was feeling so smug about, but he seemed to be enjoying getting them all worked up about it.

Finally, he stopped at the end of the bench in front of Vi, looking quite serious underneath the smugness, although a mischievous sparkle glinted in his eyes.

“Vi, my darling,”

Vi focused up at him through her coke-bottle lenses.

“You owe me some banana bread.”

There was a moment of confusion, and then Marjorie shrieked, “YOU DIDN’T!” and Tony was yanked onto the seat as all five of them squealed and squawked, demanding details.

“I have nothing to say, except for the fact that a quarter does indeed bounce off Captain America’s ass.” A grin spread across his face, and it was so sly that his spirit animal was clearly a fox. “And I have the video to prove it.”

The watched the clip seven times, and somehow it was funnier every time. The quarter hit Steve’s right butt cheek, clothed in thin cotton pajama pants, dead center, and bounced right off with a pleasing jiggle. Tony’s hysterical laughter at the tail end of the video was contagious, and the six of them were all in tears by the time Tony put his phone away.

“I got the Captain America Glower of Disappointment for that, but it was so very worth it.”

Vi looked ready to pass out, she was still wheezing, but she clutched Tony’s hand and promised in her warbling voice, “I am going to make you the best loaf of banana bread you have ever had in your life, you darling creature.”

They were pretty rowdy after that, cat-calling and wolf whistling as Bucky, Sam, and Clint went in and out of the gym in turns, but the men took it in stride. Sam and Clint were all about the strut, and Bucky actually walked backwards down the sidewalk so his arm would be visible the whole time (Ida fanned herself so fast she nearly lost hold of the fan).

“They’re good sports,” Tony commented as he sipped at the last bit of his triple shot mocha latte. “I’m going to get them something nice.”

Josephine actually raised her hand as she leaned forward to look at him properly. “Might I suggest some nice see-through shirts?”

* * *

“You know, I can’t believe I haven’t asked this before,” Bernice said thoughtfully as her knitting needles clicked quietly in her hands the next Tuesday, “but how is it that they all go to the gym at the same time every day? And don’t you have a gym in the Tower?”

Tony smirked, looking proud of himself. “Oh, I do. I have several. But Tuesday is maintenance day.”

Ida raised an eyebrow. “They can’t possibly be fooled by that.”

“Oh, they’re not, they haven’t been fooled since the first time I cat-called Steve, but it’s my Tower, I can do what I want. Besides, there’s free bagels and coffee every Tuesday morning from ten to eleven, so they get compensated.”

It was diabolical, but there was nothing but very old and wise approval for it.

“Oh, Tony!” Josephine half-shouted, “My grandson David wanted me to thank you for pointing him towards that startup. He got hired on Friday.”

Tony raised his voice a fraction so she’d be able to hear him clearly, “Congratulations! I’m glad they hired him, he’ll be a good fit there with his degree.”

“Here they come!” Vi warbled excitedly, nudging her thick glasses further up her nose. All at once, their attention turned to the gym across the way where Steve and Bruce were just coming out. Bruce looked freshly showered and ready for a nap as they conversed with each other, but Steve was still damp and glistening with sweat and he had even rucked up the hem of his shirt to mop at his forehead, leaving his abs on full display.

Marjorie started clapping and whooping. “That’s what we like to see!”

Steve froze, his shirt half covering his face, then pointedly turned around so his back was to them.

“Oh, please Lord, tell me I have a quarter to throw at him.” Tony was digging through his pockets frantically, pulling out a money clip of hundred dollar bills, a Starkphone, several small fuses and screws, a multitool, and a tightly coiled bit of copper wire. “No!”

“Here! Here!” Ida all but threw a handful of change at him that she’d dug out of the bottom of her big quilted handbag. “Quick!”

Leaping up on the bench, Tony cocked his arm back and threw the coins with all his strength. A few fell short, but the rest rained down over Steve and Bruce like hailstones, and one even bounced right off the top of Steve’s head.

He spun around, hand on his head, glaring so fiercely that Tony half-expected his eyebrows to burst into flame.

“TONY STARK!” Steve actually shook his fist at him.

Knowing that Steve was all bluster and no bite, Tony just flopped back down onto the bench in the midst of the cackling old ladies and yelled back through cupped hands, “Yeah, Cap! Shake it, baby!”

Bruce, who was watching with mild amusement, shook his head and headed back to the Tower while Steve started turning red.

“TONY, YOU BETTER STOP THAT.” Turning on his heel, Steve stomped back to the Tower, nearly ripping the lobby door off its hinges as he stormed inside.

Tony was laughing so hard that Marjorie dug her inhaler out of her fanny pack and offered it to him.

“I don’t—” _gasp_ “think we should—” _wheeze_ “do that again.” _snort and giggle_ “Poor guy has been t-tormented enough.”

Vi was patting his arm comfortingly as Ida fanned his red face, and it was several more minutes before Tony had calmed down again.

* * *

An autumn breeze had started picking up over the last week or so, and it was possible that this was the last Tuesday that they’d all be able to meet on their favorite bench. Marjorie and Vi couldn’t be out too long in cold weather, for their health, and it just wouldn’t be the same if all of them weren’t there.

In addition to their regular orders, Tony also brought along small cups of pumpkin spice lattes for all of them to try, and Bernice had made several different kinds of candies with her daughters and granddaughters over the weekend to share.

“I know I shouldn’t, but I do cheat every once in a while,” She said to assuage everyone’s concern. “I’ll only have a few pieces, never you mind.”

As if they knew they had an anxious audience, every one of the male Avengers trooped in and out of the gym that morning, taking their time. Even _Steve_ stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, stripped his sweaty t-shirt off, and stood with his fists on his hips and gave them his very best Captain America smile. (Marjorie nearly fainted.)

It was a bit sad to hear Tony’s phone chirp at 10:55, giving him his five minute warning before he had to be back.

Marjorie had been rolling a thought over and over in her head, and she brought it up before he left.

“Tony, dear,”

“Marjorie, darling?”

“Why do we never see any of the women on your team going in there?”

Tony was grinning as he peered at Marjorie over the top of his sunglasses. “Because I told them about the connecting hall on the third floor of the Tower, so they don’t have to come outside every time they want to go to the gym.”

The other women snickered and tittered, while Marjorie sighed. “Too bad, that.”

Tony laughed and patted her knee. “I’ll let them know they’ve got a fan, shall I? I’m sure we’ll get at least one more nice week before it gets really cold. If worst comes to worst, I’ll invite you all over for tea.”

“If you arrange for me to meet Captain Marvel, I will put you in my will.” Marjorie promised, hand over her heart.

Several more promises followed, requests for appearances from the Wasp, Black Widow, Valkyrie, and just about every single other female superhero Tony had ever heard of.

“I’ll just go ahead and plan that tea date, shall I? We’ll need to use the ballroom with that many people, especially if Thelma joins us."

The women all nodded emphatically and clucked their agreement while Tony sighed and slapped his hands on his knees. “Alright, my lovely ladies, sadly my time is up.” Standing and stretching, his suit jacket draped over his shoulder, he went along the row and kissed each woman on the cheek. “Same time next week, maybe? I’ll text you.”

They all agreed enthusiastically, and as he walked away, each of the old women leaned forward on the bench until they had a good view. This was almost the best part of the day.

“You know, I do hate to see him go,” Bernice sighed as Tony paused at the corner, waiting for the traffic to clear.

Ida finished the thought for her. “But you love to watch him leave.”

As the five of them appreciated the picture a departing Tony Stark made, his perfectly tailored dress pants clinging in all the right ways to his perfectly round backside, another Tuesday’s outing drew regretfully to a close.


End file.
